We spend so much time thinking about what everyone else needs. What the kids will eat. What your partner likes. Who's coming on Sunday.
When was the last time you asked yourself what would feel good to make?
Most self care routines for women assume you have an hour, a bathtub, and nobody knocking on the door. Most of us don't. But you're probably in the kitchen every single day. That's fifteen minutes you already have, and it can become a ritual that's just for you.
Here's how I'd set it up, using the same five steps I use at the start of every cooking therapy session.
Step 1: Respect the space (2 minutes)
Clear a corner of the counter. Pick some fresh flowers, use a pretty mug, put on music you like. You don't need a fancy kitchen or chef-level utensils. When you surround yourself with things you value and that inspire you, you feel worthy and elevated. Pretty simple.
Step 2: Name the recipe (1 minute)
I name every recipe I make for a wellness goal. If you need confidence today, maybe it's "You Are Most Certainly Superb Cereal." If you need a little softness, "Butter Me Up Toast." Naming it reminds you that you're making more than a snack. You're doing something for yourself.
Step 3: Take stock of what you've brought to the table (2 minutes)
Before you start, ask yourself how you're feeling. Tired? Restless? Proud? Lonely? There's no wrong answer. Just noticing is the point.
Not sure what to make in Step 4? The free Cooking Therapy app for iPhone has quick recipes you can make in about ten minutes, plus a new kitchen journal prompt every day. Download Cooking Therapy
Step 4: Be present (8 minutes)
Now make something simple, just for you. A piece of toast. A cup of tea. A bowl of berries. An English muffin.
As you go, pay attention. The smell of the toast. The butter melting, a lovely reminder to soften anything that could use a softer touch, including how you talk to yourself. If it's an English muffin, think about all those nooks and crannies getting filled, and name what you'd like more of: energy, confidence, rest, fun.
Step 5: Wash your hands, then applause (2 minutes)
Clean up as you go so the ritual doesn't create more work. Then take a moment to congratulate yourself. Did you take fifteen minutes for you today? Success! Let's script applause into every single day.
Why the kitchen works
Self-care doesn't have to be a spa day. It can be a pretty mug and fifteen honest minutes at your own counter.
And on the days you truly don't have fifteen? Just do Step 3. Ask yourself how you're feeling while the coffee brews. That counts too.
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Cooking Therapy pioneer Debra Borden, LCSW, is the author of four books, including Cooking As Therapy - How to Improve Mental Health Through Cooking. Learn more here about her writing journey, how she became known as The Sous Therapist, and the stories that shape her work.